The 6 core human needs or the “ Human needs psychology “ as it is often called has been around for a very long time in various forms, but the credit for making it well known goes to Anthony Robbins who talks about it in his seminars on personal development. The essence of this philosophy is that all human beings are driven by 6 Core needs and that we do what we do because of the presence of these needs in different degrees and that our personalities are shaped by these needs.
The needs are
4. Love & Connection
The first of these needs is the need for certainity. This also represents safety, comfort, stability, security, consistency, predictability, order and control. We all need a certain level of certainity in our lives. People who have a high need for certainity will do everything in such a way that they are moving towards certainity.
The second need is that of Uncertainity. This represents variety, adventure, mystery and challenge. This may seem paradoxical as it is the opposite of the first need but we need a bit of both. Some people have a higher need for certainity and some others for uncertainity.
Both these needs work together and are complementary to each other and hence there is a connection between these two needs.
The third need is that of Significance. This can also be called an ego need. This is the need to feel important, the need to feel that you matter in the larger scheme of things, that you have a place in this universe. You need to feel wanted, needed and worthy of love and caring.
The fourth need is that of Love & Connection and this is indeed a fundamental need. As human beings we all crave for love and connection and want to be connected to other human beings. This is the social aspect of our being.
These two needs of Significance and Love & Connection work together as a pair. People who have a higher need for significance generally have a lower need for love and connection and vice versa.
The above four needs that we have discussed are what are called the needs of the Personality. They can also be called as Physical needs, Success needs or External needs. They shape our personality. In essence our personality is a sum of these 4 needs and we only differ in the degrees to which these needs are important to us.
But greater than these needs and at a more fundamental level are the next two needs.
The fifth need is the need for Growth. Growth is a fundamental aspect of nature and human beings have an innate need for growth. Emotional, Intellectual and Spiritual growth are essential for our well being.
The sixth need is the need for contribution. We need to go beyond ourself and see how we can help and contribute to others. There is an element of almost divinity in this need. How we can transcend our needs in order to fulfil the needs of others. Moving from Getting to Giving. This is a very powerful need.
These two needs Growth and Contribution are what are called the Spiritual needs and form the building blocks of happiness and fulfilment. The path to leading a life of true fulfilment and happiness is by fulfilling these needs and ensuring that these are the driving needs of our being.
When we satiate any of our needs we become bored and depressed and that is why we need to have a combination of complementary needs.
As human beings we are the only living creatures that have the power of choice and therefore we can choose to fulfil our needs in two ways…either in a resourceful way or an unresourceful way. Every need can be fulfilled in either of these two ways but we must be very vigilant and ensure that we are fulfilling these needs in a functional and resourceful manner that is adding value to the universe.
By now you may have realised that the key to successful relationship building is in understanding these core needs of the partners concerned and more specifically the top 2 needs of each of them. If the top 2 core needs are matching then you have a possibility of a strong relationship whereas the opposite means that there is a huge potential for conflict and possible breakdown of relationship.
Another aspect to keep in mind is that there are several ways that one can fulfil these core needs. Most times we are happy with one particular way to fulfil our top 2 needs. However the danger in this is that if that particular route / vehicle / way / method breaks down for any reason we are left with no way to fulfil that need and this can result in serious psychological breakdown. Hence it is always good to have more than 1 way to fulfil the need. The more ways that are there the better it is so that even if something happens to breakdown the way, other ways are available to us to meet our needs and continue on with life.